To the editor of our local News Paper 

Aggressively flogged for years, smokers have received a little reprieve. Now experts are after obese people. An epidemic of plumpness has hit mainstream America. Just like smokers, overweight people cost insurance companies, cost taxpayers, and cost businesses with all their alleged sick leave.

Laws are in effect to help make your life more miserable. Sin tax on smokes and the goodies you buy, the higher the calories, the higher the sin tax. Traveling? Pay by how many pounds your body holds.

Who’d have guessed, it’s the salt shakers now. The more you sprinkle on your food, the unhealthier you’ll get. Now you are categorized with smokers and plump people.

A glass of red wine is good for the heart. Never mind if that itsy bitsy after-dinner wine glass has graduated to a stemmed fishbowl. In the 1960s, one kept wine bottles inside the pantry, under the bed; oops, did I say that? We are now connoisseurs of distinguished wines.

How soon will experts find an outbreak of unpleasantness for wine connoisseurs?

Who will be next for public flogging?

All I can say, don’t let the experts mess with our happy hour.

This paragraph was not published in the Newspaper.

(In the 1960s, one kept wine bottles inside the pantry, under the bed; oops, did I say that? We are now connoisseurs of distinguished wines.)